The ULTIMATE friend/girlfriend/wife's Guide to Everything Team Sports

Maybe a cute boy recently invited you to his home to watch "the big game" with him and his buddies. Or, maybe you are a girlfriend trying to impress her boyfriend with sports knowledge. Or, maybe you are simply a devoted wife hoping to spend more time with your hubby by trying to be interested in things he is interested in. No matter the circumstance, this guide is for YOU.

In this Ultimate Guide, we will be discussing 6 team sports. Football, Basketball, Hockey, Baseball, Soccer, and Water Polo.

Let's start with the basics:

Common terms that you will hear in most sports:
OFFENSE: the people trying to score.
DEFENSE: the people trying to stop the other team from scoring.
OFF SIDES: Someone on one of the teams did something wrong, resulting in a penalty.
PENALTY: A punishment for one of the teams.
FOUL: Somebody did an illegal something toward another player. (Similar to a penalty in some sports).
FLOP: When a player makes it look like another player fouled them, but they really didn't.

Now, let's break it down into the sports:

FOOTBALL:
Your guy is probably watching either the NFL (National Football League) or College Football. The NFL comes after College Football. Most players play College Football to try to get into the NFL. If you aren't sure which he is watching, look in the corner of the screen. Most likely there will be a symbol that says "NFL" if he is watching and NFL game. If it is a College game it will say something else such as "Pac 12" or "NCAA" or some other letters jumbled together. You can also look to see if you can tell the average age of the players. NFL players will typically be much older than College players.

VIP names to know/say to sound knowledgeable: Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, Michael Vick, Joe Namath, Steve Young.

Scoring:
Touchdown: This is what they're trying to do the whole game. Get a touchdown. It is worth 6 points. After a touchdown, you can do a kick for an extra point, or do this thing where they line up near the end zone line and try for two points. 99% of the time, though, they do the kick.
Field Goal: Sometimes they don't get close enough to the Touchdown, so they do a field goal instead. It is worth 3 points.
Touch Back: Honestly, I've had this one explained to me a few times, and I still get confused. It is worth 2 points, and has something to do with being in your own end zone or something.

Common Terms:
Interception: The defensive team steals the ball from the offensive team (resulting in a lot of screaming).
Holding: Some player held onto another player making it so he can't run very well.
False Start: Somebody started moving before they were supposed to.
First/Second/Third/Fourth Down: They have 4 tries to get a touchdown. If you get confused, just replace the word "down" with "try."

Neutral things you can say that make it seem like you know what you are talking about:
- "I've seen better defensive lines that that. Of course, I've seen worse."
- "If they just get that ball a few more yards, they just might get that touch down!"

Championship: NFL: Super Bowl. (The one with all the funny commercials and a concert in the middle).
College: There's a ton of them. They all end in "bowl." Sugar Bowl, Rose Bowl, Tostito Bowl, etc.

Inspirational Movies with this sport:
Remember the Titans (my favorite movie!!)
Rudy
Blindside
Waterboy
Radio

Basketball:
Similar to Football, your man is probably watching the NBA (National Basketball Association) or College Basketball. Again, check the corner of the screen and the average age of the players.

VIP names to know/say: Michael Jordan, Shaq, John Stockton, Karl Malone, LeBron James, the Bird Man, Meta WorldPeace (yes, that is his real name), Charles Barkley (the guy in the funny cell phone commercials), Jimmer Ferdette, Larry Bird.

Scoring:
Making a basket is 2 points, unless you are behind the 3-point line. Then, it is worth 3-points. Also, if a player gets fouled, they get to shoot two baskets (sometimes, in rare cases, three), each one is worth one point.

Common Terms:
The Key: The colored box under the basket. The guys on defense aren't supposed to stand in it for more than like 5 seconds. But, usually the ref only calls that if he's bored.
Shot Clock: The clock that shows up in the corner of the screen. The guys can only have the ball for so long before shooting it. Also, it conveniently resets when the ball touches the rim.
Assist: When a player passes the ball to another player who then scores, the one who passed it to the scorer gets the "assist."
Technical Foul: When a player does something real bad. The other team gets to do a free throw without any of the other player standing around them. Oh, and they get the ball back after as well.

Neutral things you can say that make it seem like you know what you are talking about:
"You know, some people say Michael Jordan wouldn't be Michael Jordan without Scotty Pippen."
"They need to give it 110% and play as a team if they are going to win this thing."
"Kobe Bryant sure is a ball hog."

Championship:
NBA: NBA Championship. Best of 7.
College: NCAA Championship.

Inspriational Movies with this sport:
Hoosiers
IMAX: Michael Jordan
Heavyweights

HOCKEY:
Hockey is a high-impact, constantly moving sport. There are 5 players from each team on the ice at a time, plus each team's goalie. If your man is watching hockey, it is most likely the NHL (National Hockey League). When I first started watching hockey, I had a bit of a hard time with all the running-into-walls-running-into-other-people stuff. I realized it was because I was thinking of it like basketball. Once I started thinking about it as if it were more like football (high impact) it became much funner to watch! (PS-I still don't like the fighting aspect, but it is part of the culture of hockey...don't be surprised if you see players drop their gloves and start pummeling each other).

VIP names to know/say:
Wayne Gretzky, Patrick Roy, Joe Sakic, Gordie Howe, Mario Lemieux, Bobby Orr, Sidney Crosby. (Good luck pronouncing all those names. Google them if you need help.)

Scoring:
Get the puck past the goalie and into the net. 1 point. (They can't kick the puck in, but it can bounce off their skate into the goal...ummm...okay. That is why slow motion cameras were invented.)

Common Terms:
Icing: Someone on the defense flings the puck past the middle line and the end line without anyone else touching it. The puck has to come back to their defensive zone. (Unless they have someone in the penalty box)
Penalty Box: Where someone goes when they did something illegal in hockey. Affectionately referred to as the "sin bin." You can get put in the "sin bin" for illegal checks (see below), fighting, tripping, hooking, high stick, too many guys on the ice, and using your stick or skate as a lethal weapon.
Power Play: When one team has a player in the penalty box, the team that has 5 players is on a "power play" (they have more players on the ice).
Checking: When one player makes intentional and forceful physical contact with another player. Legal forms of checking: hip check, stick check, open ice check, checking on the boards/walls, money check. Illegal forms of checking: back check, face check, cross check, hair check, toe check, armpit check, inner ear check.

Championship:
Stanley Cup Final. Best of 7.

Inspirational Movies about this sport:
Miracle
D2: Mighty Ducks

BASEBALL:
America's Pastime. Grab a hot dog. There are 9 innings in baseball. Teams take turns in the outfield and batting. When a team is in the outfield, their goal is to get the other team "out" three times. When a team is batting, they are trying to get as many people to home plate as they can and not get "out."

VIP names to know/say:
Babe Ruth, Joe Dimaggio, Jackie Robinson, Yoggie Berra

Scoring:
Each player that touches home base gets one point for their team.

Common Terms:
Home Run: When a player hits the ball so far, they can make it around all the bases and to home plate without getting out on a single hit.
Strike: When the batter misses hitting the ball. (If one batter gets 3 of these, he is out.)
Bases loaded: There is a player on 1st, 2nd, and 3rd base.
Short Stop: Ummm...I think it is the position between 2nd and 3rd base?
Stealing: There are certain points that players can run between bases when the ball hasn't been hit yet.

Championship:
World Series. It's a big deal.

Inspirational Movies about this sport:
Sandlot
The Rookie
Angels in the Outfield
42

SOCCER: (I have to admit, this is the sport I know the least about.)
There are ten players on the field from each team, plus their goalie. They run around kicking the ball, trying to make it into the goal. They aren't allowed to use their hands.

VIP names to know/say:
David Beckham, Kyle Beckerman, Cristiano Ronaldo.

Championship:
The World Cup. It really is the WORLD. It is very intense.

Inspirational Movies about this sport:
Invictus (Oh wait...that's rugby)
Forever Strong (Oh wait...that's rugby)

WOW!! That is A LOT to remember!! If you are overwhelmed, just take it one step at a time. What is your man's favorite sport? Start there and work your way through all of them.

Also, BONUS! If you are feeling completely overwhelmed, we here at Three Thisters have made a simple printable for you to keep in your purse. (We are also working on a "circle version" which can be kept in your compact mirror for quick glances if you are put on the spot).
Please also note, there is a spot for notes. This is for you to place anything that you would like to put there to help you remember that sport.