HOW TO: Make Shot Put Bread

The smell of Italian pasta is in the air. An undeniable and overpowering desire for garlic bread fills your soul. 
"Grocery store.... here I come!" You go to grab your keys.

No.

You decide you're gonna do this pioneer style. That's right. You're going to make your own bread. Garlic Shot Put Bread.

This is the bread BEFORE you shot put-itize it. It's okay.... but nothing makes you say "bon appetite" like a bread that requires an average of 53 chews for each swallowable bite!
 
I'm going to be frank and say that I'm not really sure how I achieved the beauty of my shot put bread. I guess you could say it's the magic in my hands. But I'll do my best to describe it here so people don't start referring to me as the Selfish Shot Put Bread Hog. 

1. Follow the recipe exactly.
2. Read each direction 5 times before, during, AND after you follow each step. Like really.
3. I learned this one long ago- detach your self-esteem from your cooking (you don't want to get TOO prideful).
4. And VUALA! You have yourself some delicious and mostly edible shot put bread!

P.S. If you want the ingredients/measurements, give me a ring.